This is NOT NEWS.
It seems that there have been rumors that Chick-fil-A would be opening a location in Poplar Bluff for the past decade, but all have been false to this point. Luckily, it seems that we are getting something even more special: an Underwater Chick-fil-A in the depths of Lake Wappapello. We had a chance to talk to Pete Moore Chicken, who is bringing this one of a kind experience to southeast Missouri.
TFF: How did this idea for and Underwater Chick-fil-A come to you?
PMC: I was actually fishing in the middle of the lake. You know? A prime spot for waterskiing, tubing, or other things that I was getting in the way of. I had only caught a few white crappie, a frog, and a can of Bud Light, when the thought hit me like a ton of bricks. "You know what sounds good?" I asked myself. "Some chicken and pickles! I'm gonna put a Chick-fil-A right here!"
TFF: What is it about Chick-fil-A that people around here crave so much?
PMC: It's just a wonderful blend of fried chicken, bread, and Southern Baptist theology.
TFF: How do you plan on waterproofing the restaurant and everything inside?
PMC: I don't.
TFF: What?
PMC: If I wanted a waterproofed Chick-fil-A, I'd put it in that dried up land by the new hospital in Poplar Bluff. When you come to my Chick-fil-A, you're not only getting a delicious chicken sandwich, but you will also be getting to taste the flavors that only a 75 year-old man-made lake can give you.
TFF: Very cool. In terms of safety, are you required to have lifeguards on duty?
PMC: Not to worry, we are hiring a couple of 15 year-olds who just passed their lifeguard exams to ensure the safety of all men, women, and children who are paying customers.
We will keep you up to date with when you can expect the Underwater Chick-Fil-A to be open.
This article and all articles featured on foxradionetwork.com/thefauxfox is satirical and not meant to be taken seriously.
Written by Nico Cuevas.
You can listen to Nico's ridiculous ramblings on his podcast Nico Says Things.
You can also follow him on Twitter @NicoSaysThings