THIS IS NOT NEWS.
American’s aren’t the only people who have things to be thankful for! There are many different nationalities that are grateful, like Mexicans, German, Japanese, and sometimes, even the French!
Today, though, we celebrate Thanksgiving with our neighbors to the north! No, not Iowa! CANADA!!! Here are the top 10 ways to celebrate Canadian thanksgiving in Poplar Bluff, Missouri.
10: Wake Up
Some people take consciousness for granted, but not the Canadians! Open your eyes and quit snoring for a fun and affordable way to celebrate the holidays!
9: Go to School/Work
There’s no reason to celebrate the holiday alone. Greet your peers and coworkers with a classic Canadian greeting like, “hello” or “hi!” Is there anything better than getting paid to be Canadian thankful?
8: Wear a Jacket in the Morning/Evening
We’re not quite in the tundra, but Poplar Bluff can be sort of cold in the morning and evening. Why not grab a festive jacket or even a nice sweater vest? But don’t be surprised if someone says “Nice sweater vest; are you from Canada?” Just give them a nice smile and reply, “I don’t know what you’re talking ABOOT.”
7: Don’t Shave
Do Canadians have beards? Who knows? Just play it safe and put the razor down.
6: Have a Party at Skate City
We don’t have an ice rink in town, but we do have the hottest party spot in the area: Skate City. Children and unsupervised teenagers alike really enjoy this local landmark. Why not have a classic Canadian Thanksgiving Dinner in the ball pit?!?
5: Find the TV Remote
Oh there it is!
4: Leave Your Doors Unlocked
Canadians are known for their politeness, and very rarely lock the doors to their homes. We can do the same here, and even push it further! Don’t just leave your home unlocked, but keep the windows of your car rolled down, remove the password from your phone, and keep your shoe laces untied.
3: Shower Twice
Have you ever seen a dirty Canadian? Not once. Take an ice cold shower before and after dinner to help get into the Canadian Thanksgiving Spirit.
2: Eat at a Mexican restaurant
Nothing says Canadian Thanksgiving quite like cheese, protein, tortillas, and rice. You have a lot of choices in our area for great authentic Mexican Canadian food: Taco Taco, Las Margaritas, Maya’s, Tio’s, El Acapulco, Casa Grande, and Taco Bell.
1: Don’t Post About Trump or Clinton
You know what? That’s not our problem today. Keep Canadian Thanksgiving Sacred and give it a rest already.
This article and all articles featured on foxradionetwork.com/thefauxfox is satirical and not meant to be taken seriously.
Written by Nico Cuevas.
You can listen to Nico's ridiculous ramblings on his podcast Nico Says Things.
You can also follow him on Twitter @NicoSaysThings