Cold Front Coming to Missouri Revealed to Be David Blaine Illusion


Coming off of his special, Beyond Magic, that aired on ABC at on Tuesday night, David Blaine has been toiling away at one of his greatest tricks and feats yet: containing an entire cold front in his stomach, and releasing it on command.

During his 2013 special, Blaine revealed that he had been working on a technique that he has calls “water spouting.” With this technique, Blaine manages to store large amounts of clean water in his body, and bring it up at will. He has continued to master this technique, by adding the element of housing frogs in his stomach. 

It would seem that this would be as far as someone could go with this “trick,” but apparently this has all been leading up to largest trick, in terms of scale, for Blaine. 

Scientists, doctors, and meteorologists alike are in complete awe of Blaine’s next stunt. “It’s hard to fathom how he manages to keep the conditions of a cold front stored in his body,” says famed physician, Dr. Acula, “but it’s not only unfathomable. It’s also extremely dangerous.”

One false move or muscle spasm could change the conditions in his stomach from brisk and chilly, to unstable and dangerous. “If he hiccups, there’s a risk of brewing a lighting storm in his own body, and shocking himself to death,” says Dr. Acula. “If he farts, he could create rotation in his abdomen, and develop an F5 tornado that would cause him to collapse into himself and disappear from existence.”

For the sake of Blaine’s safety, as well as our electric bills, we hope this trick goes as planned.

This article and all articles featured on is satirical and not meant to be taken seriously.

Written by Nico Cuevas. 
You can listen to Nico's ridiculous ramblings on his podcast
Nico Says Things.
You can also follow him on Twitter